ashes ashes
by dreamsofcrimson
Summary: We all fall down.


"I'm not like her," she whispers. "I'm not going to sit around crying for you." She breathes in.

"I never asked you to be like her." He breathes out.

"But you want me to be," it's not a question. He opens his mouth, but lets it close. She tries to say _I love you_, but "I think we should break up," comes out instead.

.

Her mother tells her when she's two that her one true love will be perfect. "He'll be a prince, just like your father. Just you wait."

Sixteen years old, and she'll forever resent her mother for lying to her face.

.

She meets Beck on her first day at Hollywood arts.

Right off the bat she's hooked (even if it does take her awhile to agree to go out with him).

.

She knows right away that they're no fairytale.

She holds his hand a little too tight, and yells a little too loud, and he laughs a little too much around other girls.

"Tell me that you love me," she whispers against his bare skin.

She can practically hear him smiling. "I love you."

.

Tori Vega arrives, and Jade West's earth shatters.

"Jade just stop why are you always so fucking jealous?" Eventually she stops yelling and lets Beck tell her how much he loves her.

She only wishes that she believed him.

.

"Once upon a time," her mother says-laughs. "Oh Jadey, love is such a wonderful feeling." Jade smiles, confused. "One day you'll feel it and you'll understand. Happily Ever After, that's how the story goes."

Except not for girls who have cold hearts.

.

He kisses Tori in front of her twice.

The first time, he knows she's watching.

The second he doesn't.

She watches him trace his fingers along Tori's cheek, before leaning in close, too close, capturing her lips with his own.

For the first time in her life Jade doesn't let her anger take over. Instead she turns around and walks away.

.

"What you dream about last night Jadey?"

She's six, lying on her back in her mothers bed. "I don't know. I don't dream that often."

Her mother laughs, sweet and pure, "I dreamt of me and you running through a meadow of red, and yellow flowers. The sky was cloudy and a deep, deep blue. No one was around baby; it was just the two of us. It was perfect." Her mother smiles- Jade should smile.

Instead: "I don't dream in colour."

.

She skips three days of school, and doesn't answer any of Beck's calls or texts. Eventually he shows up at her house, walking into her room without knocking.

"Where have you been?" He practically yells. "God Jade, I was really fucking worried. Why didn't you answer any of my calls? Where have you been? I was getting really scared I thought you might be hurt or something."

She lets him go on for a while longer before, "would you care if I died?" She's not really sure why she says it, whether it's to make him feel guilty, or because she's actually curious.

He looks at her for a second in disbelief, before grabbing her shoulders and shaking them roughly. "Don't fucking say things like that," he yells face becoming softer. "Jade what's going on?" he strokes his hand through her tangled hair before lying down next to her.

"Nothing," her voice is blank, emotionless.

He kisses the back of her head lightly. "I love you Jade."

If anyone could win a prize for ruining moments it would be her. "I saw you kiss her."

.

Even at seven years old, Jade doesn't like her father very much. He doesn't smile like her mother, kiss her head like her mother, or tell her stories like her mother.

He's stern, angry, set in his ways.

He takes her mother away from her, steals the smiles and the laughs, and the stories. She wishes sometimes he would just go away, and leave her and her mother alone.

.

Beck breathes in.

She breathes out.

"It was a mistake," he finally says sitting up.

She closes her eyes, and tries to think like her mother would. "Were we a mistake?" she finally asks.

He shakes his head, and twines his fingers through hers.

.

She's more like her father than she wants to be.

.

She watches from the audience as Beck and Tori fall in love on stage.

"The two of you would be perfect," she whispers to him afterwards at the cast party.

He looks at her and runs a hand through his wavy hair. "Please, can we not do this right now."

She storms away from him in a fury, and spends the rest of the night drinking Vodka with Cat.

She sees Beck standing with Tori out of the corner of her eye.

"I fucking hate Beck," she tells Cat a little to loudly.

Cat's eyes go wide, and then: "No you don't Jade. You love him."

"No. I hate him, I hate him, I hate him." She yells right before throwing up all over Cat's bright pink shoes.

.

She finds herself in Beck's RV the next morning.

"Morning," he says cheerily, glancing at her from behind his book. "So Cat tells me you hate me?"

"Fuck you," she snarls throwing his covers off of her, and trying to ignore the extremely painful pounding in her head.

"Jade," he smirks-laughs. "Common I don't even understand why you're so upset. Does this have something to do with Tori? Honestly babe there is nothing going on."

She wants to scream, throw something, or do something equally dramatic, but instead she lets him grab her wrists, and sinks onto the bed next to him. She blames the hangover.

.

"The kids at school taught me this," she tells her mother grabbing at her hands. "It's like the fairytales you always tell me."

Her mother grins and throws back her head. "Okay baby, show me."

She laces her fingers through her mothers, and starts to spin in a circle. "Ring around the Rosie, pocket full of posy-" her mother grabs at her arms and stops her before she can continue.

"Jadey baby, that's no fairytale." She frowns. "That's not a happy story."

Jade scowls and stomps her foot. "We didn't even get to the good part yet."

"The good part?" her mother blinks-confused.

Jade smiles again. "The good part," she repeats taking her mothers hands again. "Ashes, Ashes we all fall down."

.

"Jade, wait up," Jade ignores the tall brunette desperate attempt to reach her, keeping her eyes focused ahead of her. "Jade," Tori Vega's voice says, closer this time. "Please," Tori's hand makes contact with Jade's arm the moment Jade spins around to face her.

"What do you want Vega?" she spits words filled with venom and hatred.

Tori takes a step back, biting her lip nervously. "I just," Tori stutters. "Can we please just talk?"

"No," Jade hisses. "We cannot talk."

"Please," Tori's voice cracks. "I don't-"

She's silenced by Jade's cold hard hand coming into contact with her cheek. "Stay away from Beck," Jade whispers, before turning her back on a red-faced Tori, cupping her hand over her cheek.

.

"They went straight on 'til morning to reach the island of Neverland. On the way, Peter talked about life there, about fierce Indians, terrible wild beasts, and lovely mermaids who splashed around a peaceful lagoon." Her mother peeks at her from behind the book and grins, just as the front door beeps, announcing the arrival of her father.

"Sounds like daddy's home," her mother smiles warmly shutting the book and placing it on her daughters book shelf.

"Wait," Jade calls as her mother reaches for the light. "I want to hear the rest of the story."

Her mother sighs, clicking the light in her daughter's room off. "Later baby, your fathers had a long day at work I want to spend some time with him."

"Lily," her father screams, right on cue. "Come here."

Her mother smiles and winks before slipping out the door to greet her husband.

.

"I saw my dad yesterday," she tells Beck casually chewing on a piece of red licorice.

Beck drops the magazine he's holding and raises his eyebrows. "How was that?"

"It was," she pauses picking at her nail. "Fine." Nothing unusual, he gave me some money."

"Oh," Beck whispers taking her hand in his. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?" he leans forwards so that his foreheads is touching hers.

She doesn't say anything just leans back so that she's falling into him. She thinks of the way he tells her he loves her, the way he sings when nobody else is around, the way he smiles after she's just said something horrible, and the way he kisses her-gentle yet passionate. "I love you," she whispers.

.

She comes home from second grade to find her mother hysterically crying on the kitchen floor.

"Mom," she yells plopping herself down next to the sobbing figure. "What's going on? Should I call someone?"

She's about to reach for the phone when her mother gently takes her hand and places it on her stomach. Confused, Jade looks to her mother, only to find her beaming like Jade's never seen before. "Jade baby, I'm pregnant."

.

"Where do you see yourself in ten years?" Beck asks her on a night they spend lying on top of his truck staring at the stars.

"I donno," Jade shrugs. "Acting."

"Acting," Beck repeats slowly. He props himself up on his elbow and turns to face her. "Other than that though. What about kids? Marriage?"

She swallows and than turns to meet his eye. "What's this about?"

"Nothing," he murmurs turning over so he's lying on his back again. "I was just curious, that's all."

"I don't know than," she says and than, "I don't see why it's so important though."

"You know I want kids right?" Beck blurts out, refusing to meet her eye.

She's silent for a while and than, "I bet Tori Vega wants kids too."

.

That night her mother doesn't read her stories, or give her a kiss goodnight. Instead she sends her to bed the moment her father walks through the front door. At first all she can hear are hushed whispers, and clinking of glasses but her parents voices become louder and more distinct.

"It was long," she hears her father say. "Long and tiring."

"Oh honey," her mothers voice is laced with concern. "You work so hard you deserve a break don't you think you could ask-"

"Lily no," her fathers voice is stern now. "I work hard for us. For you."

She hears her mother sigh. "I know sweetheart, I just wish that you could be at home more. Jade and me miss you so much." Her father is silent. "Well I have some news I think might cheer you up," her mother says clapping her hands together.

"What's that?"

"Well," her mother pauses for a long time before, "I'm pregnant."

Jade's not sure what she expects, but it most definitely isn't the complete silence that falls over the room. A few moments pass before Jade hears a door slamming, and the muffled, quiet sobs of her mother.

.

"Look Vega," Jade rolls her eyes twirling a tiny piece of her hair around her finger. "I'm sorry about slapping you and all."

Tori looks stricken. Jade's not so sure if it's because she just apologized or because she just yanked her into the janitor's office with no warning. Either way it's making Jade a little too happy.

Tori blinks. "Jade," she says slowly. "What did I do to make you hate me?"

Jade runs a hand through her hair, and sighs at Tori's stupidity. "You kissed Beck."

Tori bites her lip, and reaches a hand out to touch Jade's shoulder. "Jade," she whispers voice filled with sincerity. "It was just a game it didn't mean anything."

"Oh yeah?" Jade challenges. "What about the second time did that mean something?" She wonders if Tori really thinks she's that huge of an idiot. Apparently she does as her eyes become wide and she starts to stutter.

"Oh my god," Tori breaths covering her face with her hand. "You, you saw?" Jade nods, and Tori pales. "I swear Jade, as soon as I realized what was happening, as soon as I realized he was yours I pushed him a way. I told him to get away Jade. I did. I promise."

Jade sighs and tugs at her hair. "Relax Vega, I believe you." Tori smiles in relief. "But it doesn't make me like you anymore."

Tori licks her lips and looks down at her feet. "I'm not a bad person you know?"

"I know," Jade says walking out the door leaving Tori alone. And somehow that makes her hate her even more.

.

Her father doesn't come home for a week.

"Is dad on a business trip?" she asks her mother over dinner.

Her mother's eyes go hard, as she swallows her soup. "No, he isn't."

She tries to change the subject. "Will you read me a story tonight? Maybe Cinderella, or Beauty and the Beast?"

Her mother frowns at her and shakes her head. "I'm not in the mood right now Jadey. Now come on help me clean up the dishes."

.

They're lying in Beck's RV. "Do you love me?" she asks.

"Yes," Beck says, except his voice sounds colder than usual. She bites down on her lip, until she can feel blood on her tongue.

"Do you think you might love Tori a little bit too?"

He sits up and rubs his hands down his face in frustration. "Why?" he finally asks-quiet but deadly. "God Dammit, why do we always have to talk about this Jade?"

She closes her eyes, and tries to think of the stories her mother used to tell her. Instead-

_Ashes, ashes, we all fall down. _

"You never answered the question."

.

She comes home from school to find her mother crumpled on the ground in the kitchen. Except this time she knows for sure her mothers not okay. The pool of blood surrounding her tells her that.

She grabs the phone kneeling down next to her mother's unconscious body.

.

"I think we should break up," she whispers.

They don't fight. He doesn't even ask her to stay.

.

The paramedics ask her all sorts of questions. "Do you know where your father is?"

"Gone."

"To your knowledge has your mother ever harmed herself before?"

"No."

"Do you know what happened?"

"There was blood," Jade says shaking her head. "Coming from between her legs."

The woman nods at her and smiles. "Thanks sweetheart."

.

The news that Jade and Beck split up spreads around the school like a wildfire. Within ten seconds all the junior girls at Hollywood Arts are standing around Beck's locker hoping to comfort him. Tori sits with Jade at lunch. Talks about how Jade should audition for the new school play with her. And no matter how many times Jade asks her to leave, Tori doesn't budge.

.

When her father shows up at the hospital two hours later the doctors let them in to see her mother.

The moment her mother sees her father a smile spreads across her face. "You're here," she says smiling lightly. Then turning to Jade, "Oh baby I hope I didn't scare you too much." Her mother's eyes look wild and suddenly Jade doesn't really want to see her anymore. She takes a step back just as a doctor walks into the room.

"Mr. and Mrs. West, I have some unfortunate news. We were unable to save the baby, the blood loss was too great."

Jade looks to her mother in horror but instead of a similar expression her mother's lips curve upward the slightest bit. "Oh my," she whispers. "What a shame."

Jade runs out the door before anyone can stop her.

_._

Beck catches up to her after school, grabbing at her arms before she can say anything. "I can deal with loving you, and hating you at the same time. Maybe we'll crash and burn one day but not now. Please, Jade I don't want to give up on us. Not yet."

She doesn't know what to say so instead she places her hand in his.

_._

fin.

So the endings kind of weird. I know. Anyway please review with more then I liked it or I hated it. Also favouriting without reviewing makes me super sad, and also makes me secretly hate you forever!


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